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50 Cent's Revenge TacticóLeaked Porn

Agent E. — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:03:46 +0000

When you want revenge on someone, you probably key their car or spit in their food or try to sleep with their mom. 50 Cent, he's more creative. He gets revenge with homemade porn. Says TMZ:

2Pac vs Biggie, it ain't — but now the beef between 50 Cent and Rick Ross has reached a whole new level … and it involves a homemade porn tape.

A source tells TMZ 50 Cent plans to release a porn tape featuring one of Rick Ross' baby mamas. We're told 50 bought the tape and will post it on his own site — and even provide voice-over on it. This is 50!

The feud between the two rappers — one popular, one not — has included animated videos, radio station disses and a video where 50 Cent took another of Ross' baby mamas shopping for clothes.

We just hope that Ross's "baby mama" (can we come up with a less jaggy term already?) was using a 50 Cent brand condom in the tape. Fiddy wouldn't want to lose such a great opportunity for cross promotion.

Dumb & Dumbererer: When Jim Carrey Met 50 Cent

Agent E. — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:01:22 +0000

Jim Carrey may pull in millions more per picture than Joaquin Phoenix, but he definitely doesn't share his fellow actor's sense of hip hop adventure. When 50 Cent pulled Jim up on stage during a Sundance party over the weekend, he didn't even bust out an "It is my birthday, I am going to party like it is my birthday, I am going to drink Bacardi brand rum beverage like it is my birthday, and I do not give a fudge that it is not my birthday." Reports the New York Daily News:

Jim Carrey celebrated his 47th birthday with a special present: a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be part of 50 Centís G-Unit entourage.

The comic, along with girlfriend Jenny McCarthy, turned up at vitaminwaterís Sundance house in Park City, Utah, on Saturday to catch the rapperís midnight performance ó and made a beeline to where 50 was performing in the balcony.

ìJim and Jenny were dancing and really getting into the music, so 50 decided to bring him out to the balcony for a special rendition of ëItís Your Birthdayí,î says our spy.

ìWhen Fiddy told the crowd, ëI have a very special guest for youí, everyone was floored because he had just done a duet with Robin Thicke. They thought the surprises were over. Then 50 started singing and Jim appeared, and the crowd just lost it.î

Although Carrey didnít get on the mic, he did lip-synch while busting some í50s-inspired moves. ìJim was bumping and grinding with Lloyd Banks,î our witness reveals, adding, ìIt was pandemonium in the best way.î

Carrey, in town to promote his new flick ìI Love You Phillip Morris,î then retreated to a corner to catch up with Chris Rock. After some friendly banter, Chris took his turn onstage with 50ís crew. Says our spy: ì50 literally stopped in the middle of a song and brought Chris out to hang and dance while he finished his set.î

We love that through a minor typo the writer made Jim seem even more white and out of place than he obviously was. Instead of "50-inspired moves" as in 50 Cent, Jim is described as engaging in "'50s-inspired moves," making us imagine Jim doing the mashed potato and hand jiving to "P.I.M.P"

50 Cent Makes Paris Hilton Cry

Agent E. — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:55:37 +0000

That 50 Cent is a smart man. He's somehow found a way to be a "hard" "gangsta" and still have white, suburban, middle-aged moms say, "Oh, I love that Fiddy, he's so charming." He made enough cash off of a beverage deal to keep his great-great-great-great grandkids in floor-length chinchilla coats and doorags. And he has a disdain for Paris Hilton, like all sensible humans should. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Rap superstar 50 Cent kicked Paris Hilton offstage and reduced her to tears during a pre-Super Bowl concert on Thursday.

Hilton hosted the bash for 944 magazine in Scottsdale, Ariz., and was stunned when the headliner turned on her.

The two star attractions have been romantically linked in the past, but there was no love lost when Hilton tried to steal the show.

After 50 Cent name checked her during his performance, Hilton climbed onstage to dance, but was promptly told to "Get the [bleep] off the stage" by the angry star.

Onlookers tell Page Six the outburst prompted Hilton to break down in tears, which was captured on film by photographers at the event.

We see that picture up there of Paris crying, but we still don't buy this. It would mean that Paris could not only detect when someone was being shitty to her, but also that she has feelings. And we'd always assumed that someone could spit in her face and call her a goat-fucking whore and she'd still think they wanted her autograph. At least that's what happened when WE spit in Paris's face and called her a goat-fucking whore. We still have the autographed 8×10 hanging next to our desk: "Deer CelbNewWyre, You're hot! XOXO Paris".

Find more pics of Paris trying to steal Fiddy's thunder at The Superficial.

Wrap Your Dick in Fiddy

Agent E. — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 17:35:07 +0000

Not content with becoming the rap world's V.C. Andrews, 50 Cent is producing his own line of condoms. He said:

ìThe kids become immune when you constantly beat them over the head. We have to be a little more creative about it. Itís the same with safe sex. As opposed to being part of a safe-sex campaign, Iím going to make condoms and donate a part of the proceeds to HIV awareness.î

We're guessing they'll be well stocked at corner bodegas, where the following exchange will probably be heard every day: "50 cent for a damn condom? Aw, hell naw. Saran Wrap's cheaper than that shit, dawg."

CNW Junk Drawer: Scars on Titties and Whiskers on Kittens

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 17:27:31 +0000

ï Pink promises that for one day only, her wedding day, she will "be a girl". But after the ceremony is over, the dress and all its frilly, lacy trappings will come off, the foot-long silicone strap-on will come out, and Pink will bend her new husband over their marriage bed and show that little bitch who wears the pants.

ï Heidi Klum probes her husband.

ï Which one's cuter?: Mischa Barton with a kitty! Awww! Awwww! Awwwwwwwwww!

ï 50 Cent will let his little boy mock murder people and watch porno, but cussing's where he draws the line.

ï Lindsay Lo-ho and Keanu Reeves might be heading for a shack-up. One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two have.

ï Nip slip? Bah. Lip slip? Soooo two days ago. Rhona Mitra goes next level with an implant scar slip. Jealous, bitches?

ï Sorry, boys! Elton John is officially off the market!

ï The terrorists will never win when we have freedom on our side! Freedom, and Alyssa Milano's breast.

50 Cent Says: Mazel Tov, Shorty!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 17:00:38 +0000

So you think you're hot shit in a champagne glass because your dad got the kids from the local high school who had a Foreigner cover band play your bar mitzvah? Well, one Elizabeth Brooks from Long Island has totally faced your ass because her defense contractor daddy, David H. Brooks, shelled out several million to secure some serious talent for his daughter's womanly celebration. We're talking 50 Cent, we're talking Tom Petty, we're talking Ciara, Don Henley, Stevie Nicks, Kenny G, Joe Walsh, and DJ AM. Because, you know, if there's anything in the world 13-year-old girls love, it's Kenny G and Don Henley.

Now, this is just sad. When your dad rents out two entire floors of the Rainbow Room, sends a private jet to fetch Joe Perry and Steven Tyler from their concert in Pittsburgh, and ponies up a reported $10 million to hire some of the hottest musical acts of ~~the mid to late '70s~~ today for your 13th birthday, there's pretty much nowhere to go in your life but down. With each milestone–losing your virginity, getting into your first choice college, wedding, birth of your children, winning the Nobel Prize–you'll say to yourself, "This is pretty sweet. But remember when Stevie Nicks had me join her onstage for the chorus of 'Edge of Seventeen' and then me and Carolyn Silver and Amanda Morgenstern chugged Cristal backstage with Ciara?" And 50 Cent? Well, surely a buzzy mold of your million-dollar ding-dong is a fine gift for a newly-minted woman, but picturing the thug, the gangsta, the wanksta, the man who was shot 9 times and lived to tell the tale, grinning that shit-eating grin and pumping his fist during the Candle-Lighting Ceremony is blowing our m.f. minds so much right now that we can't do much more than offer you these pictures to look at. We love you, rich people.