The World's Wussiest Vampires Fight

When we saw commercials for that NBC wizard show that looked like Harry Potter as played by Lukas Haas, we had some fun fantasies about a boy wizard showdown, with Lukas lookalike trying to bust out ancient spells with the help of, like, a pet baby dragon or something, while Daniel Radcliffe pelted him with Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. That would have been fun. But instead, we've been gifted with a vampire fight. Which, actually, sounds a bit more interesting. Creepy Civil War vampire from True Blood thinks that sparkly pretty boy vampire from Twilight is the Tiger Beat version of a vampire. Stephen Moyer yakked about this and that, including his disdain for Robert Pattinson:

As for the competition, Twilightís toothsome Robert Pattinson, Moyer simply says: ìHeís a pussy! Heís the slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires.î

Aw, he's just jealous. For one thing, when Edward Cullen goes in the sun, he looks like a display case at Tiffany's, but when Bill Compton goes in the sun he melts like the Wicked Witch of the West. Also, we're pretty sure Stephen Moyer doesn't have to surround himself with eight burly dudes every time he leaves the house so he won't be viciously sexually assaulted by fourteen-year-old girls.

P.S. Don't worry, tweeners. That pic up there is from a movie RPattz is shooting. We're fairly certain that Bill wouldn't have the vampy balls to kick Edward's ass unless Eddy tried to bone Sookie or something.