Stamos Nachos: Humanitarian of the Year

Remember when it was rumored that Paris Hilton had a brand new and even dirtier sex tape, like, every other week? It got to the point where no one would have even cared unless said tape involved a goat, a forty-foot dildo, and a trampoline. One thing we did take notice of, though, was Paris's disdain for anyone who works for their money and her alleged use of the N-word. Well, it seems that Paris's new play penis also has no respect for his fellow human beings. He thinks the humiliation of homeless people is funnier than a Pauly Shore movie. (But now that we think about it, even C-SPAN is funnier than a Pauly Shore movie.)

When we first glimpsed the giant in his element, taking his ten-year-old niece out for her first meal of the week, we thought he must be a kind and considerate man, feeding the underprivileged and all. But then we hear what he did outside of a Burger King in L.A. and we lose all respect for him. A source told US Weekly, "Stavros offered a homeless man outside $100 to dump a soda on himself." When the man took the offer and doused himself in RC or Orange Crush or whatnot, Stamos and his pals (whom we're assuming are named Coulier and Saget) had a rousing chuckle. It's really a good thing that Stamos and Paris found each other. In addition to the possibility of Paris getting fetus-infested by a giant and her womb exploding from the stress of it, the couple also has the ability to cause full-on class war. Maids will cower under the glare of her wonky eye; janitors will rush to sweep up the fallen leaves as he scurries back up his beanstalk. Revolution can't be far behind.
Paris's lady parts at MrSkin.com.