The Sports, They Are So Illustrated (With Bikinis)

Picture it! February in America! Most of us are busy freezing our scrotii off, while raising a hot toddy to sweethearts, Abraham Lincoln, and black people. And it's also probably the only month out of the year that we ecstatically celebrate the fact that famous models are clothed, with the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Last year's issue kind of missed the mark with the lack of a model on the cover and the inclusion of profiles of Kenny Chesney and Jimmy Buffett (though Kenny's tits did look positively scrumptious in that kicky maillot, believe you me), but this year, SI is back to form with Marisa Miller gracing the cover. Though she's sporting less of a bikini top and more of a . . . nothing. She and Heidi Klum, man, what kind of magic do they employ to render their nipples completely invisible under 3 strands of blonde hair? Let's dunk their tits in a vat of holy water–if they float, they're witches! If they don't, you still have a boner.

Want to see more (literally) of Marisa? Head over to MrSkin.com.