With February comes snow, suicidal ideation, and heart-shaped Sarris candy samplers purchased at 75% off for consumption in front of the Discovery Health channel. Oh, and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Like a seal at the zoo awaiting a pail full of succulent, ripe fishes, we anticipate the young, ripe, airbrushed fillies wearing spandex next to their downy chumblies in the sand. And this year, what do we get? We got dumb old crusty old Beyoncé, for the love of all that is good and holy. Listen, everyone loves the SI swimsuit issue because it's one of the only times we don't have to open wide to get a fat spoonful of [overexposed celebrity here] crammed down our collective gullet. But no, America's premiere sports magazine has fallen under the spell of DREAMGIRLS MANIA! Can't wait to see Jennifer Hudson rendered in watercolors on the cover of Cooks Illustrated and Jamie Foxx gracing Bride.
If you'd like to see what lies under Beyoncé, you can see billions of Brazilian models from the issue's shoot here. But you might want to save it for later, when you're safely at home, so you don't run the risk of cracking a rod when the page loads. Just how sexy is the issue? Two words: Kenny Chesney. Two more words: Jimmy Buffett.
Bed, Bath, and Beyoncé. Get sexy at MrSkin.com.
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