Sophie Monk Gets Our Attention with Teeny Bikini

“Hi. My name’s Sophie Monk. I’m Australian, so you may not be familiar with me. But since you’re obviously a reader of celebrity gossip, you may remember me from such break-ups as twardbag faux punk Benji Madden back in ‘08. I assure you that we broke up before he started flinging his dangler into Paris Hilton, so I’m clean. I’ve been trying to make it big in America with movies like Sex and Death 101 and Date Movie, but I understand if you didn’t see them. So instead I’m trying a different approach. The approach of looking really really hot in a bikini. I hear it works these days. I’ve even made sure that the top is extra teeny tiny so you can get a good idea of what my boobs look like. You would have a better idea, like the entire complete thought, if you had watched Sex and Death 101, but again, not many people did. So take a good look. Do you like what you see? I bet you do. Do you know anyone in the movie industry? I don’t need a Michael Bay or a Steven Soderbergh, but someone whose movies stay in theaters for more than opening weekend would be nice. If you happen to know such a person, mention my name. Sophie Monk. It’s short. You can remember it.”