What can one say about former Baptist minister and Simpson sister dad Joe Simpson that hasn't already been said? The highlights, the Botox, the way he puppeteers his progeny, his diva snit fits . . . if all that weren't enough to give you the douche chills, he's now singing the praises of Jessica's beans from every rooftop, while simultaneously forbidding Ashlee to dyke it up in her first movie.
In GQ, Joe offers up the secret of his eldest daughter's success: "Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!" Creepy words from a former man of God.
Joe also offers up this tidbit regarding Ashlee's role in her first movie, Wannabe: he changed the script so Ash wouldn't have to play a lesbian. "It doesn't work for her to be gay the first thing out. She said, 'But it's cool, it's edgy, it's different,' and of course the filmmakers were like, 'It's cool for a woman to be a lesbian,' and I'm like, 'That's true, but not her first role.' She's going to be a huge movie star. She's like Meg Ryan or Cameron Diaz, with probably more depth. When we're done, she'll play it all." God, that sounds ominous. Done with what?
