Please Don't Analyze the Shape of Sienna Miller's Muff

We've been in this gossip game a good many years now, and we still don't understand what the hell celebrities are thinking most of the time. OK, maybe all of the time. Or at least all of the time minus the times they think, "God, I want some pizza." But then they suppress that urge and nibble on some ice and ruin that great connection we were building. And pretty much above all we don't understand Sienna Miller. "Leave me alone! Stop looking at me! I want my privacy." And then, "Hey, Balty, I think I see a paparazzo over there on the beach. Oh well, I won't let that ruin my vacation. I'll just take off my bikini top and start licking your face while you fiddle with your wedding ring." Really, what message is she trying to send us? Today it seems to be that she doesn't want the world to see her tits . . . despite showing her tits voluntarily in pretty much every movie she appears in. Hmmmm. She talked to Nylon about those anachronistically un-furry pap shots from the set of Hippie Hippie Shake (via Celebitchy):

I was doing a scene for this film, Hippie Hippie Shake [out later this year], where we all had to get naked and swim in this lakeÖ And a photographer snuck onto the set and hid in a bush all night and got photos of me naked and put it on the cover of the News of the World. Me, full-frontal naked. I donít want to be naked on the cover of a Sunday newspaper! I donít! I donít want people analyzing the shape of my muff!

Wait, wait, wait. We think we get it. We think we've finally caught on. Sienna only gets naked in art movies. Not because she has some sort of intense integrity or anything, but because she knows that very few people will actually see those movies. She's mad because commoners saw her muff. She only likes to show it to the intelligentsia. Or at least the portion of the intelligentsia that can stomach a movie costarring Hayden Christensen. Which is probably a very, very small number, now that we think about it.

Also, Sienna should be grateful that those pics got out, as it's probably the only way any person not in the film's crew will ever hear about the movie, seeing as it's probably never, ever getting released.