Tom Cruise recently sat down for a heart-to-heart with Barbara Walters (first person to smugly crow "BABA WAWA!" gets punched!) and let a couple of delicious little Thanksgiving giblets tumble forth from the gaping orafice of the TomKat love turkey. In the interview, which airs on November 29th on ABC, Tom tells the tale of how he bought Katie her own sonogram machine, so that the happy couple can check the progress of their incubating hellspawn at their leisure. And Katie, being a cheerful, trusting sort, never asks questions when Tom and a group of robed "nurses" called "auditors" perform daily "sonograms" by giving her electrodes to hold while asking her questions like "Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?" and "Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?"
Aside from the obvious "Because I have hundreds of millions of spacebucks, therefore I can," why would anyone BUY a sonogram machine? Are you afraid the baby's going to do something like take its first steps or start speaking Urdu or do the Cabbage Patch in the womb, and you simply can't miss the milestones? At any rate, when Walters asked if he knew the baby's sex, Tom cleverly said:
"No, I don't. Barbara, I would tell you. I would say, 'I know if it's a boy or a girl and I'm not telling you.'"
Walters then asked, "So what do you see?" And Tom answered, "A little baby." No horns? No cloven hooves? Well, then! Let's raise our glasses!
Tom also revealed that he's pretty much thumbing his nose and flinging the boogers at Katie's Catholic background, because they're going to poop out this kid out of wedlock and worry about the nuptials next year. "We are gonna get married next summer or early fall," he told Barbara. "We don't have a date set yet." Oh ho! But is this a clever ruse to throw us all off their tracks? Is he waiting for us to let down our guard, busting out a lavish ceremony next week under our very noses while we sit, drooling, with our thumbs up our heinie holes? Or maybe it's reverse reverse psychology, and he wants us to think he's trying to trick us into thinking he's getting married next year, but isn't, but is. Isn't. Is. Goddamn you and your wily Scientological mind, Tom Cruise, you dastardly devil.
Visit MrSkin.com and take a trip to a simpler time, when Katie bared her bazoombas.
And you can find the Tom at MaleStars.com.
