Do you wanna hear about Shia LaBeouf's first time slipping the beef into a lady? Of course you do. It went a little something like this: Shia: "Hey, baby, I like your shirt. It would look really good on my floor. You know, after I take it off so that I can touch your titties and then slip my moderately sized wiener into your vagina." Girl: "God you're a fool. But you're kind of cute, so sure, let's do it." And even though The Beef tried to pass himself off as a seasoned ladies man, he was pretty sure that particular lady could tell he was a virgin. He told Playboy (via IMDb):
It became apparent pretty quickly that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Somewhere in her mind she had to know.I remember laying her on the bed and putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie… (It) put her at a weird angle, where I couldn't get in correctly. I'm not extremely well-endowed… and clearly this wasn't the move to do.
Luckily the girl overlooked the "not extremely well-endowed" future star's bedroom faults and continued to boink him. The Beef even claims:
We had time to work it out. We had a lot of sex and would read the Kama Sutra together and do the wildest shit.
"Wildest shit"? What does that mean to an 18-year-old? Doing it in the shower? Thinking about your mom while reaching climax? We're just going to have to call bullshit on this whole story. Usually we only do that when a story's source is an anonymous tip sent to a website we've never heard of that has advertisements for free iPods all over it. But what major action movie star would go bragging about his ineptness in the bedroom and his teeny weeny? You don't hear Christian Bale blathering on to GQ about possessing an undersized sperminator. And you don't hear Hugh Jackman walking around making jokes about not knowing which hole he was supposed to stick it in. At least not in public.
