She’s in the Army Rehab Now

There are many, many things we don’t understand about celebrities. But we do understand that according to the basic definition of the word they are human. They live, they breathe, they eat (sometimes), they shit, and some of them are troubled. Troubled by their love of Johnnie Walker or a crack pipe. We’re not sure what Melanie Griffith is addicted to (she’s a classy lady, so probably the pills), but her doctors sent her to rehab for something. Her rep said:

She is there to reinforce her commitment to stay healthy. This is part of a routine plan that was designed between her and her doctors years ago.

How does this work? Mel goes in for a routine check up and the doc says, “You’re doing just great, Melanie. So great, in fact, that I want you to pack your bags and go back to rehab. Not because you need it or anything, but just to remind you where you came from. Kind of like going to your high school reunion. It’ll be life affirming.”