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She Kissed a Brand and He Liked It

katy-perry-crotch_grabRussell Brand’s heart is like a cantering stallion in the wild. It is a beautiful, untamed creature that refuses to bend to your will or be reined. Try to put a saddle on it and you may very well be kicked in the groin. And with a toss of his shimmering mane, he gallops freely into the magical night. Only one person can ride the wind and rope his love. Katy Perry? Here’s the story from The Sun:

Sex-mad Russell Brand was pining for his pop star girlfriend Katy Perry yesterday.

Pals say he is besotted with the I Kissed A Girl singer, who is currently at Paris Fashion Week, and no longer has eyes for anyone else.

Speaking exclusively to The Sun at his £2million home in Hampstead, North London, Russell said: “I think I’m in love.” But asked about his nights of passion with Katy, he said coyly: “I don’t think I should be drawn on that.”

Then, dressed in black jeans and a leather jacket, he sped off to the gym. A giant marrow was delivered by a man on a pushbike while he was away.

Russell and Katy’s relationship got off to a romantic start after they met at the MTV Video Music Awards last month. He sent her a love poem by email and she replied with a snapshot of her boobs.

It makes us wonder why people gush and bawl over The Notebook when there are heart-stopping stories of romance like this.

By the way, can any of our English buddies translate the second to last paragraph? Because we’re picturing a gentleman in a monocle and waistcoat riding a Big Wheel up to Russell’s house, carrying an elephant femur.

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4 Comments

  1. BritBloke
    Posted October 6, 2009 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    Although it is still quite an odd picture, the US translation of the second to last paragraph is simply that a gentleman on a bicycle delivered a giant squash. This, however, is no mean feat given the neighborhood Russell lives is one of the highest points in London and at the top of a steep hill!

  2. Posted October 6, 2009 at 10:35 am | Permalink

    A giant squash! How festive! Thanks.

  3. Bob
    Posted October 6, 2009 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    I believe that a marrow is actually what you yanks would call a zucchini (sp?) They are long and green.

  4. Matt C
    Posted October 7, 2009 at 7:32 pm | Permalink

    Russell Brand is just… ewww. Katy Perry’s a cute chick, but if they’re together… well, love (or lust) is blind.

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