We here at CelebNewsWire feel it is our obligation to bring you the latest in celebrity nipple slips, vibrator talk, and girls admitting they'd totally pork Angelina Jolie. But once in a while we like to step out of that role and slip in a couple of penises. Official CNW Dong Day, which began just moments ago with Fez's full frankenfurter, will now continue with Johnny Knoxville's puny peener. Compare, contrast, and convulse.
We always figured that what drew Jessica Simpson away from her previously blissful union was Johnny Knoxville's enormous, salad-loving crumpet trumpet. But the Jackass admits that he's packing so little downstairs, he probably gets jealous of his cat's cock. Which means that Nick Lachey must be packing about three-quarters of an inch. He's never gonna catch himself another Q-list reality-show bimbo with that sad little thing. Knoxville said,
"I have a penis like 'an egg in a nest'. It looks like a light switch. Seriously. A fucking light switch."
HAHAHAHAHAHA! We bet Pink's clitoris is bigger than that! At least now we know how Johnny dealt with all those career-propelling crotch kicks on Jackass. And, hey, if that Dukes of Hazzard sequel fails to materialize and bring in the big bucks, he can always go into business with Enrique Iglesias selling peanut-sized condoms.
