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June 10, 2008 at 10:43AM

filed under Tom Cruise | trackback link

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Barley Water! Arrrgh!

"Avast, yon lily-livered L. Ron followers! You be under attack! Hand over all your booty and doubloons! We be wantin' all your e-meters and copies of Dianetics or it's Davy Jones' Locker for you!" Or, in English, pirates are threatening to attack Scientologists! According to The New York Daily News:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes should avoid takin' a cruise with the Scientologists this summer on threat of being sacked by pirates!

Crazy anti-Scientology vigilante group "Anonymous," which has been attacking the church and Cruise on YouTube, is stepping up its antics, promising to launch "Operation: Sea Arrrgh," an attack on Scientology's Sea Organization, the elite arm of the church that operates a ship called MV Freewinds.

The protesters, who claim they stay under the radar to protect themselves from church backlash, are peppering media outlets with promises they'll accost the Sea Organization all summer long, all pirate-style, in their latest attempt to expose the underbelly of the celebrity religion.

Yikes. If only Johnny Depp was a Scientologist, everything would be okay.

When Tom Cruise was told that a band of pirates was planning on attacking MV Freewinds, he threw some topsiders and a captain's hat in his duffel bag and immediately set out for the sea, giddily exclaiming, "Oh, I'm so excited! We're getting attacked by butt pirates! I've always wanted to meet one. We'll have so much fun!"

Katie Holmes shows off her Jolly Rogers at MrSkin.com.

Related Topics: Scientology, Tom Cruise

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Please don't say crazy. Try dedicated. These "guise" are doing what many have tried to before them...and finally making an impact.

Posted by: zdfnj | June 11, 2008 09:30 AM

That's funny - but why barley water? Is that a cure for aliens that infect a baby in a Scientology "silent birth" or something?

I think there's a lot about Scientology that I haven't heard about yet.

Posted by: Stephanie | June 11, 2008 09:48 AM

Excellent news! We of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (praise be to his noodley appendages) have discovered that there is a direct correlation between the rise in global temperature and the demise of pirates, the more pirates we have the lower the temperature will be.

Posted by: StraNGeLaD | June 11, 2008 10:39 AM

Get ready $cientology, your days be numbered! The Sea Arrrgh be comin for yon wenches and mead! YARG!

We are Anonymous.
We are legion.
We do not forgive.
We do not forget.
Expect us.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 01:46 PM

MAN THE HARPOONS, THIS FREGATE IS RIPE FOR THE PICKINGS!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 03:10 PM

SHOOP DA WHOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 06:10 PM

YARRR, expect us. June 14th. 8D

And we're not crazy, we're special.

Posted by: Elbynonamous | June 11, 2008 10:47 PM

Their underbelly should be soft and chunky like Tom. After the belly, go for the head shot, or in Tom and John's case that would be called the "money shot".

Posted by: Yipee | June 12, 2008 01:04 AM