Fortuna Smiles on Scary Spice

At long last, the fruit of Melanie Brown's scary, spicy womb has a name. Her brand new baby girl will be called . . . Fortuna Daphne Bay Brown! Aheh . . . aheheheheh . . . heh. Ahem. Uh. Yeah. Seeing how her older daughter is named Phoenix Chi, which sounds like a type of exotic General Foods brand International Coffee, it makes sense that the new baby would sport a name that would suggest she travels around with a carnival, beturbaned and caressing a crystal ball. Or perhaps Scary Spice lovingly looked down on her new infant, thought of the day in a few scant weeks when Eddie Murphy would be forced to submit to a paternity test, and the child transformed, in her eyes, to a large sack of gold coins with a giant dollar sign printed on it.