Scarlett Johansson Sexier Than Jessica Alba; Adjust Masturbation Schedule Accordingly

Another day, another lad mag tells you whom you should masturbate to tonight. And in what may be the upset of the century--or at least right behind that whole Crash/Brokeback Mountain thing--Scarlett Johansson is now your top masturbatory fantasy. Jessica Alba is crying into her no-nudity clause as we speak.

Not even two months ago, Ask Men compiled a list of totally hot and unobtainable women who would think that you are a gross, smelly little troll. But apparently that was not good enough for the men of America, so FHM had to step up to the plate and re-rank the world's most beautiful women, with quite a different outcome. Who are the world's top ten sexiest women, according to FHM?

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Jessica Alba
4. Jessica Simpson
5. Keira Knightley
6. Halle Berry
7. Jenny McCarthy
8. Maria Sharapova
9. Carmen Electra
10. Teri Hatcher

Most of the list is pretty expected and, we might as well say it, pedestrian. We mean, Angelina Jolie is hot? We had no fucking idea. Way to be creative, guys. But Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra were thrown in to prove that FHM readers like farts almost as much as they like tits (they are mostly fourteen, after all). And Teri Hatcher's inclusion on the list? That must mean that FHM readers are so attached to the blow-up dolls they keep stashed in their closets that they can no longer tell the difference between real human-grown flesh and a crudely whittled hunk of plastic.
Nine of those ten ladies are at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with Scarlett and work your way down the list?