Scarlett Johansson, Esquire

If the increasing prevalence of these internet "blog" thingies has taught us anything, it's that all women are ugly. No, really. Post a picture of Kate Moss or Anne Hathaway or Jessica Alba and within seconds, you will have six dozen people scrambling for their keyboards to express their disgust in regards to the picture. If you can make out one pore, she "has repulsive cystic acne." If you can't, she's "over-airbrushed." If her eyebrows aren't tiny, skinny lines, she "has a fucking monobrow! Sick!" Butts are too flat, ears are too misshapen, and the nipples, oh, sweet Christ, the nipples. The internet has taught us that all women's nipples are monstrous and should be hidden from view at all costs, lest they inspire a veritable deluge of regurgitation.

But we're throwing down the gauntlet here. Challenging y'all. We dare you--nay, we triple dog dare you--to find something objectionable about these "Sexiest Woman Alive" pictures of Scarlett Johansson from Esquire.



Scarlett is pretty much a global beauty ambassador. Not one human being on this planet is impervious to her generous-bosomed charms. Man, woman, intersexed persons, children, the elderly, the mentally and physically handicapped. Black, white, and all shades in between. Let's all replace our national flags with these pictures of Scarlett, and all wars would end. Crime would be a thing of the past. World hunger and poverty would be wiped out. If ever anyone had conflict, they could just stop for a moment, glance at a banner of Scarlett hanging from a government building or painted on the side of a barn, Mail Pouch style, and say, "Brother, we may not see eye to eye on the topic at hand, but we can both agree that Scarlett Johansson has milky skin, seductive, lidded bedroom eyes, and a bounty of cleavage." And the other guy would say, "You said it, comrade." And then a hundred doves will be released, and the world will stop for the mid afternoon hug break, and the sky will rain honeysuckle and money.

Is she eating a raw hot dog in that last picture? Sweet merciful Christ, she's even more perfect than previously imagined.
Egotastic! has even more from the shoot, plus special bonus cleavegasmic Allure pic.

Gaze upon the ScarJo: at MrSkin.com.