The dreaded Hollywood mystery illness has claimed yet another victim. But this time illness carrier Jessica Simpson has risked spreading the disease by going on The Oprah Winfrey Show in Chicago. Luckily no one in the Midwest seems to be vulnerable to the strain due to all those extra pounds they carry around. The only way Midwesterners can contract exhaustion is by attempting to walk up a flight of stairs.
Simpson was hospitalized Monday but seems to be in the clear at the moment. Her rep told People magazine, "While Jessica was in Chicago shooting a segment for Oprah, she contracted a stomach virus and became dehydrated. She is already feeling better after being checked into, and released from, a local hospital for rehydration before flying back to Los Angeles." When normal people are feeling a bit under the weather, they take some Dayquil and go about their business; when celebrities feel less than one hundred percent they use the opportunity to deflect press from their current scandal and check into the hospital. Michael Jackson's worried about the start of his pee-pee-touching trial? He develops the flu. Jennifer Lopez wants everyone to shut up about her off-key duet with husband Marc Anthony at the Grammys? She gets the sniffles and can't leave the house for a month. This tactic doesn't always work seamlessly for female celebs, however. Any illness from a sore throat to monkey pox could mean bitch got herself knocked up. Jessica is probably not in danger of such a rumor plaguing her "we swear it's perfect" marriage, though, since the idea of a baby with the brains of Simpson and the underlying evil of Nick Lachey reminds most Americans of the ending of Rosemary's Baby and is best not mentioned.
