"She'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave."

We're thinking about taking a binge and purge approach to Britney Spears gossip from now on. We'll hold out for as long as we can, denying ourselves any information on the sad, sad life of our favorite fallen pop star, then maybe once a week we'll lower our defenses and allow the wave of Brit news to wash over us, leaving a cheesy, greasy stain. In today's binge we learn that Brit had plastic palookas installed when she was a wee teener and Sam Lutfi is heartily battling Howard K. Stern for the title of World's Supreme Asshole. It's gonna be a tight race.

This Friday's issue of Rolling Stone promises to deliver Shocking! Secrets! Only problem is, those secrets are about ten years old. Page Six reports:

Britney Spears had her breasts enlarged as a teenager, but later decided she was a big boob to do it and went back under the knife, the new issue of Rolling Stone reveals. The pathetic pop tart, now locked up in a padded cell, "regretted the implants, particularly because her chest was still growing," the magazine reports. "And when her natural breasts became larger, she had the implants removed." Spears has always denied she was surgically enhanced.

And The New York Daily News adds:

What Justin Timberlake/Britney Spears story is too vulgar even to make it as a Gatecrasher blind item? Read the Rolling Stone cover story on Friday to find out! (Don't eat beforehand.)

The fake titties we were aware of, as we're pretty sure that Brit wasn't the prototype for Pump up My Bobbies Barbie. But what could this disgusting and possibly erotic JT story be? Our guess: Justin had an affinity for fishing one of his turds out of the toilet, inserting a stick in it, putting it in the freezer with Brit's Fudgesicles, and then laughing his ass off when she took a lick and said, "This sucker tastes funny, y'all."

Now on to a more devious male influence in Britney's life: Sam Lutfi. TMZ landed their journalistic little mitts on a copy of the restraining order against him:

TMZ has obtained a copy of the restraining order issued last Friday in the Britney Spears saga. We've reported on the order but we just got a hard copy. The documents allege Lutfi drugged Britney.

The order requires Lutfi to stay 250 yards away from Britney, UCLA Medical Center, her parents' homes, siblings' homes, childrens' homes and Britney's homes.

According to the document, "He has cut Britney's home phone line and removed her cell phone chargers. He yells at her. He claims to control everything."

According to a declaration filed by Lynne Spears, on January 28, Lynne and Jamie arrived for an intervention — "Sam had told Britney that she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan, her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids, and that she does not deserve the kids."

The documents claim Sam said, "Adnan is gay … Britney came into the room looking for Adnan … Britney then asked me, 'Is Adnan gay?"

At one point, Britney "picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, 'What does insomnia mean?' Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake." Lynne continues, "Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney's pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdal (an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia and bipolarity) and Seroquel." The docs continue, "He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain."

According to the docs, Sam then encouraged Brit "to do tequila shots." The document then claims Sam said, "let's all do toasts with wine." Brit refused to drink.

Lynne claims before leaving for the drug store that night, Sam gave her drugs upstairs "to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun."

During a dispute later that night, Sam allegedly said, "If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave."

The docs claim Brit "changed her three dogs' clothes many times" in an agitated state."

Brit said, "Can I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?" Sam responded, "If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies."

At one point, Brit allegedly said, "I want my Daddy up here. I want to talk to my Daddy."

That's all pretty sleazy and awful, but did he ever drug her, cover her face in clown makeup, and then videotape the incoherent results for his eventual profit? Not that we know of. Score one for Lutfi. Stern retains World's Supreme Asshole title–for now.