Robert Pattinson is Utterly Disgusting

Hey, we’re hep. We make Twitters and type on the Facepages and listen to the latest “fresh jams” from Ke$ha. We write Justin Bieber’s name on our Zips, we know what the hell is up. LOL JK TTFN SCUBA. But we’ve never been able to figure out why everyone’s dying over Twilight. Latter Day Saint virgin vampires aren’t really our idea of dangerous teen love, but after reading two stories about Robert Pattinson today, we totally get it. According to IMDb, everyone who crosses his path is offended by his buttstink.

“It gets to the point where even I can’t stand the air around me. My personal hygiene – it’s so disgusting! Really, it’s that I have very few clothes that I like and I’m travelling all the time so I can’t really get any more.”

The sharp-jawed demigod then said,

“You over-analyse everything – you analyse how if you say one thing, someone likes you, and if you say another, they don’t. You begin to experiment on people, which isn’t good for real life. I don’t think I’m very romantic any more – just manic depressive.”

It’s a sad state of affairs when a man is so beloved by the underage female population that he is forced to take to the press to brag about his emotional disabilities and sharp, asiago-like odor in order to fend off admirers. The poor kid is going to be forced to take out full-page ads in Teen Vogue trumpeting his toenail fungus and Cisco Adler-like nuts.