Gloria Allred Demonstrates Rob Lowe's Alleged Nanny Touching

We haven't paid much attention to this whole Rob Lowe possible-forced-nanny-schtuping thing, mostly because A) it's not in any way the most scandalous thing to enter Rob Lowe's life, B) making jokes about sexual harassment is way sleazier than making up yet another word to describe Sienna Miller's boobs, and C) it doesn't involve anyone who has ever flashed her vagina in public, at least not that we're aware of. But when something becomes newsworthy enough to hit the Today show, boy, do we listen. Because we're 82. And bedridden. And have no friends. And love to know what's happening in our neck of the woods. People magazine (another beloved source of amusement for friendless, bedridden 82-year-olds) has the full rundown of the nanny's Today show interview, where she muttered a string of "um"s and "I don't know"s in between walls of silence. Most of the actual speechin' was handled by publicity-seeking pitbull lawyer Gloria Allred, who cut off the nanny every time she tried to utter more than three syllables. (And, yes, we are aware that the nanny has a name, but constantly referring to her as the nanny makes us think of Fran Drescher, and then we laugh.) What we're really interested in though is the following video of the appearance. This is a case involving sexual harassment. And Gloria Allred has her hand practically on top of her client's cooter throughout THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW. Perhaps Allred's new tactic is to employ as many visual aids as possible in order to win a case. First there was the whole nipple-piercing thing, now this. "Mr. Lowe touched my client here and here and here."