That Is Also a Pretty Dress

You almost certainly had a social studies teacher who wore a mint Sta-Prest pantsuit and a holiday themed brooch well into the ’90s, but she wasn’t out of style. She just found a look that worked for her. The same goes for Rihanna. Only instead of Mrs. Potter’s ankle-length Dacron, Rihanna’s go-to fabric is something that appears to be made out of loosely-spaced spider web threads or, like, tinted glass or something equally sheer. And instead of a laughing light-up Santa that plays “Silent Night”, Rihanna’s accessories are a thong and a hoop stabbed through her nip. Pretty, but they don’t really capture the reason for the season, you know? Then again, we’ve never attempted to pull on RiRi’s nipple ring. Maybe it blasts “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” while spitting tinsel and ham.

We’re going to go ahead and put these on the front page. Why? Because you hate your job anyway. We’ll just get that layoff ball rolling for ya.