Renee Zellweger Is Mating with Her Own Projects

We thought Renee Zellweger didn't date because she has a bad track record of hasty nuptials with bald, sexually ambiguous country singers. But no, as it turns out, she is just too cotton-pickin' busy for all that romance horseshit. She told Marie Claire mag:

"I'm not single, I'm busy. That's my line. The thing is, I'm away all the time. I suppose if I sat still long enough to get to know somebody beyond a dinner date, maybe. But I don't feel like my life is empty or that I have to make something happen. I have projects to develop."

You hear that, scores of able-bodied males lining up outside of Renee's home? She's too busy for you! Take your stiff penises and your bulging wallets and go home. Yeah, great excuse, it reminds me of sixth grade when I was like, "Oh yeah, I would totally go with tons of boys but I have to collect all the Garbage Pail Kids and 4-H takes up a good two days a week plus I have this really unrelenting Thundercats-watching schedule, so . . ."