The R. Kelly Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Want to Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too

Everybody’s good at something, even if they don’t excel in other areas. Some people are terrible at sports but awesome cooks. Some have miserable singing voices but are totally ripping at math. And then there’s R. Kelly, who is kind of illiterate but he’s really good at relieving his bladder on teenage girls. Showbiz Spy reports that R. recently admitted,

“When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it,” he said. “I don’t even read really and I’m not afraid to say that. My cousins and brother used to tease me, ‘You can’t even read right. How you think you’re going to come up?’

“The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and my teacher told me, ‘You will be one of the greatest writers of all time’.

“I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can’t believe [anything] if you’re hating. You can’t achieve [anything] if you’re hating.”

Yeah, he also believed he could fly and touch the sky. But his teacher was totally right. 2000 years in the future, civilizations will eschew the Bible and Koran in favor of an illuminated ancient script of “Trapped in the Closet”. Christianity will be over. People will worship adulterous midgets.