Hunky harelipped actor Joaquin Phoenix has reportedly checked himself into rehab for alcoholism. We don't blame him in the least–if we spent the first fifteen or so years of our life answering to the name "Leaf", we'd be trying to calm our DTs by guzzling Listerine and vanilla extract.
(We admit we stole the vanilla extract bit from that totally sweet episode of Family Ties where Tom Hanks stars as Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer's loveable Uncle Ned, a hopeless drunkard. Um. Anyway.)
We love trendy famous people diseases, and rehab is officially the new "exhaustion"! Celebs currently riding the wave incude Billy Joel, Pat O'Brien, Whitney Houston, and now Joaquin, whose most recent project was playing Johnny Cash in the biopic Walk the Line. His spokesperson issued the following statement: "[Joaquin was] uncomfortable with the way that he was living his life and found the courage to deal with the disease." Lots of luck to Joaquin, may he rise like a Phoenix from the flames. Har! But seriously, can you imagine the kind of ratings a "Celeb Rehab Boot Camp" reality show starring the above would draw? We'd have Joaquin bemoaning the lack of good vegan fare in the clinic's cafeteria, Billy Joel driving a golf cart into a swimming pool, with O'Brien drooling onto Whitney's bony sternum and groaning, "I wanna go fuckin' crazy with you." Throw in Dave Coulier as the obligatory "wacky neighbor" and whaddaya got? Emmy gold, people. Emmy gold.
