Some people live by the gun and die by the gun. Not us. We live by People and die by People. We float, directionless, every week until that glossy mag appears in our mailbox and teaches us exactly how Eva Longoria safely gets her bronze glow, to relay a tender tale of how a family schnauzer saved a 92-year-old woman, and that always hilarious "Oh Baby!" picture* of some irrepressible little moppet. So we're happy to report that the annual People's 100 Most Beautiful list is out. Finally, we have a sanctioned list of acceptable celebrities whose faces we will now masturbate to, which includes Kate Hudson, Sarah Silverman, the cast of Gossip Girl, Christina Applegate, Isla Fisher, Julianne Moore, and Rumer Willis. Rumer Willis! Someone famous simply for being the offspring of Ashton Kutcher's wife and the guy who did the Return of Bruno record! Good God, you have brought shame upon the once-respected institution of the Most Beautiful list!
* So that's the Enquirer. Whatever. But doesn't the uplifting message of toddlers with birthday cake all over their mugs just scream People? Or at least Baby Bukkake Monthly.
