Pregnelope Cruz

Bump alert! Baby joy! Over the moon! Holy shitting ass hell, another celebrity ovulated then had said egg fertilized by jizz! The Hollywood Gossip claims:

Penelope Cruz is pregnant and expecting her first child with longtime love Javier Bardem, according to online reports.

“Penelope is about four months pregnant,” a source says. “She’s really healthy now and will be a great mother.”

Just once, we want to hear these mysterious sources give something other than rapturous delight. “Penelope is pregnant, and doesn’t know who the father is. A meth binge will do that, you know. She’ll make a great mother. If ‘great mother’ means forcing your children to dance on a street corner for cash to fund your vintage slap bracelet collection.” That would be entertaining.

*Note: CelebNewsWire was using artistic license and does not in any way, shape, or form, imply that Penelope Cruz actually takes methamphetamine or collects vintage slap bracelets. We are, however, guilty of having a Facebook page.