Paris's Parents' Sex Tape Pride

You thought it was odd when your parents said they were so proud of you after you rode the school bus by yourself. You thought it was stranger yet when they proclaimed their pride after you fouled up your lines in your church's Christmas pageant and said, "Unto you a child is burned!" But Paris Hilton's got you beat–nothing makes Rick and Kathy Hilton beam with pride quite like their eldest daughter's X-rated undercover sex video.

So there's a biography of Paris Hilton coming out. Mystifying, we know. Is chapter one going to be about that one time she went to Butter and texted that super funny thing to Kim Kardashian and then laughed really hard? Is chapter three going to be about that one time she went to Hyde and texted that super funny thing to Stamos Nachos and then laughed really hard? At any rate, Paris's biographer, Jerry Oppenheimer, unearthed some tidbits about our favorite CNW subject; namely, that she was pushed into "being Paris Hilton" by her mother, and that her parents really dig her sex tape:

"I have family sources telling me that Rick and Kathy Hilton are proud of everything Paris has done, including the X-rated video that launched her to this international stardom, infamy and fame. It is a bizarre family. Behind the scenes her parents were not opposed to the video because that totally launched her."

We wonder if the Hilton family's copy of 1 Night in Paris is lovingly worn from heavy use. If, after the last bite of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, Granny Hilton says, "Oh, let's watch Parrie's cute little video again!" and they all gather 'round the HD TV, a cheery fire roaring and a rose in every cheek, and watch, beaming with pride. "Ew, like, I look so fat there," Paris will say, and Kathy will hug her warmly and say, "Nonsense, honey, you look just beautiful gargling Rick's testicles in night vision." And Mr. Hilton will heartily agree, saying, "It looks like you've really been working on your PC muscle control, sweetheart. Nobody can touch your technique!" And then they'll all burst into Christmas carols and as the dong-huffing comes to a close, toast Paris's great achievement with warm mugs of cider. Annnnnd scene.

Paris is bare-is of at MrSkin.com.