On this day, in 1981 . . . magic happened. Kathy Hilton spread her legs, grunted, and shat unto this world a child. A child that would grow up to become the symbol of retarded excess, crooked eyeballs, night vision blow jobs, and wearing hair extensions in jail. That child is Paris Hilton, and today she is 27 years young! What would this website be without Paris? We'd be a lot less prolific. And we'd have fewer STDs. But what better way to celebrate such an auspicious day than with the lady of the hour giving us an upskirt shot? She's wearing underwear, coupled with baggy tights, giving her the appearance of having one shriveled testicle. But it's very apropos: saggy hose for a saggy ho. Happy birthday, Paris. In spite of our ribbing and jibes, we sincerely worship your flappy ass, girl.
