Paris Hilton Takes First-Hand Knowledge of Prison and Chick Kissing to the Stage

With such demanding roles as Strung-out Supermodel, Female Club-goer, and Herself already stuffing her impressive résumé, Paris Hilton has decided to take her tang to the stage for some lady groping. According to A Socialite's Life:

Paris is set to star in a musical in London in which she'll play a chick in prison who hooks with another gal. The show is based on a popular Australian soap opera called "Prisoner: Cell Block H".

"Paris, who is said to have been keen to tread the boards in the West End for some time, is to star as an inmate in the production set in a women-only prison.

It is believed her character will be involved in a lesbian romp.

The source added: 'Paris is keen to stretch herself as an actress so she's happy to kiss another girl for the audience and actually thinks it'll be fun to play a lesbian. She'll also get to stretch her vocal chords and she loves that.'"

Paris to play a convict who makes out with chicks? Why, we're shocked! That's so out of character. She might as well we playing Eleanor Roosevelt. Such a stretch. We just hope this surely ground-breaking production pares down the script so that Paris's singing part is restricted to a few whispered and breathy lines and her dance moves include a pole and/or a table to make her feel more comfortable. Better yet, cut the singing and dancing altogether and just have Paris and another femme inmate groping and kissing and licking for the entire performance. It would sell tons of tickets and Paris wouldn't have to bother herself with memorizing lines.