Paris Hilton is hell-bent on convincing the world that she hates having sexual intercourse. At every given opportunity, she will happily crow about how boring sex is, how much she dislikes it, and the various sundry things she'd rather be engaged in. Now she's claiming dinner is preferable to coitus, causing a spike in the sale of "My other vagina is a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger" thongs.
We're assuming that Paris is trying to do the noble thing and be a semi-responsible role model to young people. Not only does her new Seventeen interview run alongside a full-page spread admonishing drunk driving, but Paris claims in said interview:
"People shouldn't judge me and assume that's how I am. I get in so many fights with guys who are like, 'In public, you are the sexiest sex symbol, but you're not sexual at all at home.' I'm like, 'Whatever, shut up. I don't wanna be.' I'd rather watch a movie or Lost, or like, eat."
See, the funny thing here is that generally, the old "smoke . . . fire" adage usually holds true. And if Paris truly prefers the company of hot links and gravy fries and baked Alaska to penii, why is she known for being an indiscriminate floozebag instead of a discerning gourmand? Why does she have a sex tape instead of a show on the Food Network? Why does she wear ass-floss and nip-slipping tube tops instead of chef pants or an oversized novelty lobster bib? And now we are starving. Starving for ass-floss.
Paris shows us what she's made of at MrSkin.com. Very tasty.
