"I Got F*cked in the Butt for Coke"

It's taken nearly a year for it to come to fruition, but the Paris Hilton repossessed storage facility crap has finally been made pubic. Public. Whatever. Gah, after poring through hours of Paris footage, plenty of which involves the eye-singeingly objectionable mug of Joe Francis and his curiously long and immobile upper lip, we're having trouble . . . making . . . tongue . . . do . . . word . . . things.

Christ, where to begin? We suppose at ParisExposed.com, where the folks who bought the contents of Paris's delinquent storage facility have a charming video preview of all the documents, videos, and crab-strewn memorobilia. For the low, low price of $39.97 you can see it all. Or, you can donate that cash to a needy STD clinic and watch the pictures graciously provided by Drunky Stepfather, the videos at WWTDD, and/or read this chilling summary posted on Celebitchy:

ok well I saw it, my friend payed for it and i used her password and username, bc i wasnt going to dish out 40 bucks for that crap, so here goes

- she took a long bubble bath in front of joe francis and they joke about selling the tape later on (oh how ironic), and about her sex tape (which she seemed to think was funny)- and he kept telling her to give him a show, and she stood up and you just saw her naked (again)……..not suprising

- there was a video of her on a bed where there is a crotch shot (shes wearing underwear)- and you see, ew, a tampon string hanging out

- her and jason shaw do everything but have actual sex, she goes ‘im on the rag’ at the end

- she has prescriptions (there were medical documents online also) for percocet and valium, and one for bleeding. she also has a birth control thing and a medical file which says she had a miscarriage……

- according to her drivers license she is 108 pounds and 5'9 (not 5'10 or 5'11)

- theres an audio tape with her and nicole lenz where they talk about each others “smelly pu**ies” (and those were their words not mine)

-theres a couple of letters sent from charities to paris, which she never responded to apperently (they were trying to get her to do an aids walk)

-her journals are on hello kitty pink paper and look like a 5 year old wrote them

- she says “I f**k in the butt for money”

- she has some interesting notes, one which says “nine and a half inch c**k” followed by a random phone number and one which says “Vet appt- get dogs weiner checked” haha

- she insults people from compton, saying “broke as s from compton” and “you’re all ugly and poor” and a bunch of stuff like that

- there is ALOT of drug use, including pot and shrooms (she laughs and says the shrooms look moldy)- she does them anyways. both her and jason shaw, who was in alot of the videos, are high most of the time

- paris touches herself nude (shes nude in alot of them), and jason spanks her

- paris says “im so hot, im so gorgeous” plenty of times and calls others ugly…..oh yeah and she looks in the mirror and uses the camera as a mirror

-she writes in one of her little notebooks “jason and i like to make fun of others together” and she calls a girl a dy ke, and disses bijou phillips over the phone, going “who wants to go to a party with bijou phillips and cory feldman? what losers, they’re so pathetic, its so lame”

- there are alot of videos in parties and big plates and lines of blow on many occasions on the tables

- she talks to someone who says he can get her all these different drugs

oh and i forgot one last thing- theres a video of nicole lenz and paris hilton talking, paris is telling a story about how she cut a whole line waiting to go to the bathroom in a club- and she says ” and these security guys pull me out, and im like get off me ni ggers”

she said it with the ‘r’ at the end, and acted like she says that all the time, like it was no big deal

and they play alot a couple of prank calls (paris and nicky hilton) and calls girls ugly and ‘buck toothed’

on one phone conversation, a guy is talking about how rick solomon got paris on heroin and hard drugs at a young age

Drugs, sex, naked beans, racial slurs--basically we haven't learned anything new, aside from the fact that we should probably move those 8000 tons of personal sex tapes and yay-snorting pics out of our U Stash It locker. The only "Paris as you've never seen her before!" depicted is the scene in which she smokes a cigar jauntily fashioned out of a wrapped tampon, as if it were a dill spear and she was the Vlasic Stork himself. Thank God for all the self-absorbed and hateful footage, otherwise that might've just made us like her.



Extra Paris nudity can be found at MrSkin.com.