Paris Hilton Is Good at Faking It

Our trust is like a mountain made of fairy dust and pegasus wings: It takes a long time to build and is extremely fragile. But we always thought we could trust Paris Hilton. We could count on her to cock her head to the side, pretend to smile, and let an errant body part flap proudly in the wind. But now she has broken that trust, and we have to retreat to our cave and subsist on fallen acorns and squirrel meat until we are brave enough to trust in someone again.

Remember the days before Stamos Nachos when we would talk about man Paris and lady Paris and their as-if-created-by-God-himself love? That was so long ago, right? And remember that huge ol' rock man Paris bestowed on lady Paris, and how she complained it was difficult to even raise a coke mirror to her nose because the sucker was so heavy? And remember how we all fretted over the fate of that ring once the engagement was called off and consulted our dog-eared copies of Emily Post hoping to school ourselves in proper broken-engagement etiquette? Well, we shouldn't have bothered, as that big piece of junk was a fake that Paris bought for herself along with some feather-adorned pens at her nearest Claire's. A spy told Page Six, "It's a cubic zirconia. The ring Paris [Latsis] gave her was a much smaller one [from Cartier]. She lied to Us Weekly about it and everyone picked it up." You mean gossipmongers spread untrue stories? Say it ain't so! Now we can't trust Paris Hilton or In Style. We may as well get ourselves to the nearest nunnery to live out the rest of our days in Paris-free peace.

Paris's jewels at MrSkin.com.