Paris Hurlton too Hung over to Walk

It's your BFF's birthday, and even though it's Monday night and you're supposed to give a big PowerPoint presentation to the VPs in the morning, you head out to some club that plays a kicky mix and JT and JJ Fad to down anything that ends in the word "shooter" and "get your freak on," as the kids so douchily say. Problem is, when you get to work the next day, hair still reeking of Kools, eyes sunken and dark and barely open, and can't stop that little bit of vom from spilling out onto the conference-room table, you get fired. When Paris Hilton does pretty much the same thing, her agent likely still collects the half a mil appearance fee.

Radar is deep into their 87th attempt to become the world's favorite celeb-bashing magazine (and website!), and talking about Paris Hilton drunk and puking is a pretty good way to grab our attention. Sayeth Radar Online:

All Paris Hilton had to do last night for her old friends at Heatherette was sashay down a runway.

When you're coming off a booze-fueled bender, however, that's a daunting proposition. Hilton—who, along with Britney Spears, Kimora Lee Simmons, and Lydia Hearst, had agreed to walk for front-row B-listers Cuba Gooding, Jr., Keith Urban, and J.C. Chasez—called in 45 minutes before showtime to say, well, she wouldn't be making it.

The party line was that Hilton was home sick with a nasty case of "food poisoning." A source who was with her Monday night put it another way:

"She was doing tumbler shots of tequila till 3:30 a.m. at Butter, puked, and went home really sick. She must have been totally incapacitated the next day."

It wasn't the tequila that gave her food poisoning. It was all that tainted dong she ravenously scarfed down when she got home. Duh. She forgot to heat the man meat to a proper temperature before consumption.

Paris shows her ta-tas at MrSkin.com.