The rich smell of yeasty quim fills the still morning air. It's quiet. Too quiet. From a distance far away yet close enough to send chills up one's spine, a mighty cry: "COCCCCK!" You freeze, pause, wait. And then, closer this time. "COOOOOOCCCCKKKKKKK!" Suddenly, from out of nowhere, it swoops down, its lazy eye rolling in its head, its curved beak snapping angrily, coming mere centimeters from your crotch. It is the dread beast Paris Hilton! Its mate has flown the coop! It is hungry for penis! US Weekly reports:
Paris Hilton and Benji Madden called it quits Tuesday after nine months of dating, a rep for Hilton confirms exclusively to Usmagazine.com. "Even though they are still in love, they felt it would be better to just be friends," a source close to Hilton, 27, tells Us.
The reason for the split? "Benji was overprotective and controlling. He doesn't get along with any of her friends," the source tells Us. "Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again."
The couple stayed faithful to each other, stresses the source. Hilton was spotted with her ex, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, in Miami over the weekend, while Madden, 29, hung in NYC with his bro, Joel (beau of Hilton's best friend, Nicole Richie).
"Nothing went on between Paris and Stav in Miami," the source tells Us. "She was there for a girls weekend with her BFFs."
Oh please, like Paris has friends? Anyway, you can't blame a girl for wanting to leave the teetotaling confines of a Madden and slide headlong into the warm, gooey jalapeno-flecked crunch of Stamos Nachos.
See Paris Hilton nude at MrSkin.com.
