Today in the Shit You Already Knew Department: Paris Hilton says she's, like, not all smart 'n' stuff. Also, sky is blue, water is wet, poop is icky, etc., etc. This concludes the demeaning-to-your-intellect portion of our broadcast.
So, background. Joe Francis (he of the Girls Gone Wild empire and the totally upstanding statutory rape record) was burgled. During the burglary Francis was tied up, taunted with a dildo, and forced to espouse on his love of a good cock–all while being filmed. Alas, we may never see said tape, but at least we get to hear Paris Hilton's testimony in the case. We're not exactly clear on why she was questioned in the case, and apparently neither is she. According to Page Six:
"Like I really . . . I don't remember. I'm not like that smart," Hilton said in police audio tapes set to air on "Dateline NBC" on Saturday night.
LAPD Detective Steve Koman and Deputy DA Hoon Chun were asking Hilton to remember what she told Francis at a party shortly after the "Girls" mastermind was victimized on Jan. 24, 2004.
Francis passed on Paris' information to cops, who eventually busted Darnell Riley. But when investigators pressed Hilton to recall her talk with Francis, she didn't remember much, The Post's David K. Li reports.
"I like forget stuff all the time," she said.
Yeah, like her panties, and how to close her legs! Ba dum dum. OK, that was stupid. We apologize. We promise that the next time Paris Hilton admits that she's the intellectual equivalent of that mysterious brown goo in the Tupperware in the back of your refrigerator, we'll at least come up with a joke about her trying to sound out the word hamburger at In-N-Out.
At least Paris has enough brains to get naked at MrSkin.com.
