Ozzy Honks Kelly

We've all known that Ozzy Osbourne is totally nuts for some time now. And we're not talking about the whole biting-the-head-off-a-dove thing or peeing on the Alamo. That can all be blamed on the drugs. But in his sober, old-man, burrito-eating, incoherently mumbling state his behavior is more baffling than ever. His brain seems even to have confused his daughter Kelly with his wife, resulting in true ickyness.

While being photographed at a publicity shoot in Australia, The Prince of Darkness reportedly grabbed Kelly's left breast. We have yet to see the photographic proof, but when it's available it's liable to result in widespread voluntary blindness. Surely there will be analysis of how much cupping and squeezing occurred, whether the looks on the faces of either Ozzy or Kelly show any sort of pleasure, or whether Kelly looked at all shocked by the event. We're guessing the shock will be non-existent and that this sort of thing has happened before. Perhaps Kelly looks a bit too much like the young Sharon and Ozzy has simply forgotten that it is not 1985. Whatever his excuse, we sure wish he would stop creeping us out. Hearing about his sex life on The Osbournes was enough to make us swear off the dirty deed for months.