"Don't You Know I'm Loco?"

Yesterday afternoon, the Butterscotch Stallion half-heartedly tossed his mane of champagne ringlets, gave a pained whinny, and attempted to canter off to that stable in the sky. TMZ reports:

Santa Monica Police issued the following statement to TMZ: "On Sunday Aug. 26. 2007 at 12:10 PM, officers from the Santa Monica Police Department responded to a medical assistance call from the Santa Monica Fire Department at the 900 block of 23rd Street. The person was transported to a local hospital where they are being treated."

And Star has this to say:

Actor Owen Wilson was hospitalized after attempting suicide. Sources tell the ENQUIRER and Star that he sliced his left wrists and took an indeterminate amount of pills. Police and an ambulance responded to a 911 call from Owen’s house around noon on Sunday. His wrist was sutured and bandaged at the hospital. The ENQUIRER and Star broke the story of Owen’s hospitalization earlier Sunday and revealed that he was being transferred from St. John’s after being stabilized. The publications learned that he was going to be detoxed.

Perhaps the shock of realizing that he had been replaced by a dillrod named DAX who was in Employee of the Month had finally set in. Or maybe he had been listening to Judas Priest's Stained Class backwards.

Ugh, trying to make a possible suicide attempt funny is making us feel like the biggest creeps in Creeptown. Sorry. Feel better soon, Owen Wilson, you handsome, charming weirdo.