Oops! . . . I Flashed It Again. And Again. And Again.

Hey, readers. Hey. How's it going? Great, great.

Friends, we are certain that you are asking yourselves why we just put that picture of Paris and her minion Spears–in a fully see-through shirt–on our front page when it is generally our policy to keep the pinkish bits confined to after cuts (see how we care about you and don't want you to get fired?). The answer is simple–this is the most demure picture we have of Britney Spears today. For real. Within the last twenty-four hours she has shed the last of her inhibitions and undergarments, and after the storied very NSFW cut, you will take a mystical journey to the very core of Britney Spears, so grab your lighted mining helmet, grappling hook, and a light snack–it might take a while for you to find your way back out.

Are you there, God? It's me, CelebNewsWire. Remember a few scant years ago, when Britney had sinewy muscles of steel and an albino snake and a barrel of lip gloss? Remember how, during those simpler times, we used to kneel by our beds every night and pray to you that we'd be really really good and never cuss again and adopt a Malawian orphan if you'd create a crossbreeze to blow a sliver of Britney's skirt up just so we might see a faint glimmer of her LovePats? Remember that? Well, God, this is not what we had in mind.

We didn't want it like this! It wasn't meant to be this way! We didn't ask for sweaty, shorn clam half-sticking to leather seats. We didn't ask for drunken buns dingle-dangling below dumpy dresses. We didn't ask to see it all at once–within the last twenty-four hours!!!–with Paris Hilton twirling her figurative moustachio and rubbing her hands together, cackling maniacally in the background. It didn't have to be like this!

Basically Britney has achieved the impossible here. She has gone even lower than her pregnant, stepping on rusty hypodermic needles in a parking lot while downing Mad Dog 20/20 and Dipsy Doodles with a becornrowed wigger at her side self. You were at your nadir, with nowhere to go but up, and then you whipped out Sean P's plastic beach shovel and dug down below sea level and hunkered in the hole. And by "hole" we mean the many glistening ones you are showing us right here.
Many, many, oh-so-many more pictures of Britney's public parts are available for your consumption at Egotastic! and IDontLikeYouInThatWay and X17online and Taxi Driver and such and such.

You will not see nearly as much of Britney's business at MrSkin.com as you see right on this here page, but at least she looks hot there.