Olivia Wilde and the Case of the Missing Nipples

You know how we do not like spending our morning? Searching for nipples. We do not appreciate having to break out the monocle and the protractor in hopes of locating the precise square inch where areola should be visible. It just makes us mad. Stop with the tease, Maxim. We would rather see super sexy Olivia Wilde in a push up bra instead of topless with her nipples airbrushed into non-existence. It wastes our time and it's creepy. We know that the pics in Maxim are so fake they're about one teeny step up from Animaniacs tribute porn anyway, but c'mon. This is just maddening. The hair in that first pic up there even curls around in the shape of a nipple and even slightly approximates the color. But look and look and look some more, and nothing's there. It's just hair. We think you're a dick, Maxim. A nipple-erasing dick.