No Parties for Paris

Just the other day we were wondering where Paris Hilton had gone. It’s been lo, so many months since we’ve seen her cock her wonk eye to the side and blow a kiss at the camera. We can’t even remember who her current boyfriend might be. CelebNewsWire was built on a solid foundation of jokes about Paris’s herpes cankers, Britney Spears’s cooter, and Lindsay Lohan’s blow-job skills. And what do we have now? Paris is in hiding, Britney hasn’t hauled out her pussy in forever, and Lindsay’s strictly poon now. And the situation, at least on Paris’s part, probably won’t improve anytime soon, as our new BFF, FemaleFirst, says:

Paris Hilton, THE socialite of the century has only announced that she’s “too busy” to go partying anymore and that the LA club scene is no longer any fun!

Paris is claiming that she is working so much recently that her late nights and early mornings are just getting too much, but we thought Paris was the queen of burning the midnight oil?

“Too busy” to party. Hmmmm. This is very curious to us. We don’t see Paris out and about for a while, then she claims that her days and nights are just too jam packed with . . . something to have any fun. We would jump to the conclusion that she’s preggo, but if Paris were with child we would be hearing about it every step of the way. She’d probably even set up a website to document the experience, complete with live auctions for the broken condom and EPT stick. But since that’s not happening, we’re totally stumped as to what “too busy” might mean in Paris Hilton’s world.