Nicole Richie Wears Shoes, Puts Food on Tongue, Is Problem-Free

Nicole Richie sure can spin things. She missed her calling as a publicist, or perhaps a pinwheel. In the new issue of Nylon, she is Cleopatra, Queen of Denial, and explains to us why, when she was addicted to heroin, she was not a junkie, and also why she's not the poster girl for eating disorders:

"When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."

"I've never gone a day without putting food in my mouth. I've never sewn my mouth shut. I've never gone on a liquid diet. So I want to know why I'm the face for a problem."

We're into this. Nicole did heroin and was arrested for it, but since her feet were clad and her mail wasn't delivered to an underpass, it was not a problem. Furthermore, she absolutely does not have any sort of issues with eating or weight, since every day she lays some sort of edible item inside of her mouth (chewing and swallowing are totally different!), has not yet taken a needle or thread to her mouth (duct tape is chill), and not solely ingested liquids. Man, someone should scour Craigslist for an opening for a Master Logicist because Nicole's got this shit in the bag!

Itchy for Richie? Get thee to MrSkin.com.