Nicole Kidman Pregnant with World's First Four-Ounce Baby

This is a photograph of Nicole Kidman. She is supposedly somewhere in the vicinity of six months pregnant. Yet gazing upon her still quite puny gut would made one think, "She must have splurged and eaten half a chalupa and a couple of Mallomars." The image does not scream, "There is a living being growing inside my uterus." But maybe we're just thinking of this whole "Nicole Kidman is pregnant" thing in the wrong light. Perhaps it is not her lady chamber that is pregnant, but her mind. Pregnant with ideas. Ideas on how to be in a movie that actually makes money. Or ideas about which shade of beige to paint (sorry, hire people to paint) the guest bathroom. Or maybe all those years spent in such close proximity to Scientology have given her extraordinary abilities. Perhaps she is actually pregnant with a kitten. Those things are pretty damn small. And maybe it's a kitten granted with the gift of L. Ron Hubbard's soul; a kitten that will possess the ability to speak and command large flocks of gullible followers who believe him when he says that they are all possessed by ancient alien beings and must pledge three quarters of their income to eradicate said beings from their bodies. His name will be Mittens, because he will have white paws.

Nicole shows off her lady bumps at MrSkin.com.