Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are no longer playing Ward and June. We get it. Weíve accepted it. Why canít they? Just admit it, guys. Tell us some bullshit like, ìWe love each other, but weíre no longer in love with each other. We tried really, really hard, but we canít make it work.î Then take the rings off and go screw the brains out of some hot young things. Youíll both feel alive and free for the first time in years.
Since the news of Nick and Jessicaís still unconfirmed split broke, we have seen many pictures of Jessica holding up her wedding ring for the cameras and bearing a smile that says, ìFuck you, assholes, Iím married. See? Now leave me alone so I can go bone another cast member of Jackass.î And speaking of members of Jackass, the Nick/Jessica split was confirmed by Bam Margera, but heís proven himself to be completely full of shit in the past, so who knows what thatís worth. Since Nick and Jessicaís OK! documented Italian vacation, the couple has been living apart, with Nick partying in Vegas with his brother (and a bunch of very eager ladies), while Jessica has been living with her assistant. The two will even be spending their third wedding anniversary apart, as Jessica will be traveling in Africa for charity, and of course Nick canít join her due to ìwork commitments.î Which weíre guessing means that he canít leave his PBR and his plasma screen during football season. What weíre wondering is why they insist on continuing the sham. The Christians already hate Jessica and think sheís a dirty heathen tramp. We the gossip-loving people do not value the institute of marriage; we thrive on spectacle. And if getting divorced results in Jessica being cast as Kimberly in a movie version of Diffírent Strokes and releasing a threeway sex tape with the kid from Everybody Hates Chris as Arnold and a lesser-known Wayans as Willis, then weíre all for it.
Jessica Simpson at MrSkin.com.
