New Moon, Nice Bazooms

Let’s say you’ve been in a coma for 25 years. And you wake up and for some reason are presented with the magazine French Revue de Modes. Who knows why. Maybe your family fears that after all this time exposure to the current state of American culture will shock you back into vegetation. So instead of making you endure the latest bitch fight between Jon and Kate, they want to ease you back into the world. But their hope that seeing Ashley Greene’s cleavage in this fancy French publication will be your entry back into the real world backfires. Because you assume that Ashley is the new bitch on your favorite TV show and ask if you’ve missed the new episode of Dynasty while you were slumbering.