Natalie Prudeman

We've seen the message boards where guys debate whether or not you can see one-fourth of Natalie Portman's nipple in The Professional, so we know: You're desperate pervs. So news of Natalie maybe showing off her naked form in Goya's Ghosts probably made you take a two-week leave of absence from your very important job for masturbation purposes. We told you before that the naked-and-tied-up shots were probably not Natalie, and sadly she's now confirming it. According to the New York Daily News:

Dudes who were bummed that Natalie Portman didn't take it all off during her pole dance in "Closer" can look forward to "Goya's Ghost," in which she plays a victim of the Spanish Inquisition. "There's a long shot of a nude woman," she tells Movies.com's Jeanne Wolf. But, sadly, she adds, "It's not me. ... You do see some parts of me unclothed, but if they end up on Web sites making it look like I'm nude, I'm going to be really, really angry." And nothing is hotter than an angry Natalie.

With Natalie's vehement hatred of the naked female body well documented, we're surprised that she didn't make Goya director Milos Forman add a giant orange box (a la Storytelling) over the nude body with the words "This is not Natalie Portman's body. It is a body double. Ms. Portman hates nudity." Sure it would have ruined your suspension of disbelief, but since all we hear every time she speaks is her high-school-freshman drama-class-level recitation of "Anakin, you're breaking my heart!" anyway, it wouldn't seem to matter.