Miranda Kerr’s Butt Needs Help

It’s a design flaw in the human body that we each have a vertical slit that traps moisture and close-fitting fabric. Your drawers wedging themselves into your butt cleave is just a fact of life. But sometimes when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. If you have a strong constitution, a high threshold for anal-related dealings, and excellent manual coordination, you can become a professional ass picker. Sure, you’ll have to start on the bottom floor–Gary Busey movies, the set of Jersey Shore. But someday, after you’ve paid your dues and racked up a few years of solid experience, you’ll land a shot at the big leagues: becoming Miranda Kerr’s personal wedgie-wrangler. Just think of how impressive your business cards will look! Because they’ll be printed on heavy card stock and feature a serif font.

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