Don't Tell My Heart, My Preggy Preggy Heart

We here at CelebNewsWire used to have standards. We only paid attention to people who were famous for something. Sure, that something could be a night-vision sex tape, but it had to be something. Then came Kim Kardashian and her huge ass and we just couldn't ignore it. We also refused to pay any attention to anyone whose fame sprouted out of the Disney channel, mostly because those little sass-talking manufactured tweens make us feel really, really old and we don't like that. Then came Vanessa Hudgens and her shocking! nude! photos! and our resolve was once again breached. So we give up. The next time we across That's So Raven in a bikini, we'll cover it. Dylan and Cole Sprouse cause a traffic jam by riding their Big Wheels on the freeway? We're there. Dubious source claims that fifteen-year-old Hannah Montana has been spending her Disney downtime baking up a baby in her lady cavity? We're on it.

Unless you have a ten-year-old daughter/niece/kid sister, are a pedophile, or your dog used the remote control as a chew toy and permanently set the TV to the Disney channel, you likely have no idea who Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is. And if we hadn't seen a compelling and insightful story on the Cyrus clan in People (Billy Ray and wife Tish have a truly fascinating blended family that includes kids named Trace and Braison), we wouldn't even know which was the girl's real name and which was her character. Still, squeaky-clean fifteen-year-old Disney star and daughter of country music's version of Vanilla Ice gets knocked up? Now that's interesting. According to J-14 magazine (which could be the tween set's New York Times, we have no idea), via Celebitchy:

ìYes, sadly itís true. Miley herself confirmed the pregnancy rumors during a J-14 interview. ëIím going to take good care of my baby. Iíve already gained 7 pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally. I went a little too far. Iím sorry to all of my fansí,î the magazine photo reports Miley as saying.

ìWhile Miley is still planning on going on tour for her new solo cd, sheís currently filming the series finale of ëHannah Montanaí. Even though sheís keeping hush about whoís the father. Mileyís parents are very disappointed in her: ëWhateverís meant to happen will happen. I guess it was meant to be this way.î

But alas, the rumor has already been refuted. According to TMZ:

Not true, says Cyrus' rep, who told TMZ, "The story is a complete fabrication. Someone mocked up a fake J-14 article." For their part, J-14 posted this statement on their website: "Despite Internet rumors, J-14 NEVER reported that Miley Cyrus was pregnant. Someone doctored the 'This Just In' article that appeared on page 16 of J-14's July 2007 issue, where a few of Miley's Hannah Montana co-stars talked about her gross habits. Miley is an intelligent, respectable role model for young girls, and the editors of J-14 pride themselves on presenting our readers with credible stories and information."

So for those of you hoping to see a young star sporting a Baby Bjorn on the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards orange carpet, we're sorry to disappoint you. But hey, Jamie Lynn Spears and Ali Lohan have probably learned a few tricks from their respective older sisters, like you can't get pregnant if you do ten jumping jacks directly after sex, or drinking a smoothie made up of two frozen bananas, eight Cheetos, one packet of Taco Bell fire sauce, and an anchovy creates a sperm barrier, so there's still hope.