Miley Cyrus Is Very Age Appropriate

Yesterday we were contemplating the horrid life that must befall the children of Juggalos and Juggalettes. As we scrolled through Derek Erdman’s horrifying photos from last weekend’s Gathering of the Juggalos, all we could think of were the unwilling participants. Faygo in the baby bottles, meth mixed in with the strained peas, all the rashes from that shitty makeup. But really, once those kids are placed in foster homes, they’re not likely to remember what could have become of their lives, so no harm, right? Miley Cyrus, though, she doesn’t have it so good. Sure, she’s a world-famous celebrity with wads of cash, but at what price? At Sunday’s Teen Choice Awards, Miley did a little greasing of the pole. The stripper pole. For an audience full of tweens. Now we know that sixteen isn’t exactly an innocent age, but with Miley this shit is just creepy. Mostly because we can see the pre-show planning session. A Fox exec starts talking about a Forever 21 tie-in, with Miley wearing some leggings and a slouchy tee, and the set could be decorated like a candy store, with giant lollipops and a fluffy cotton candy floor. Then Billy Ray breaks in and is all like, “No, we need something more edgy. I think Miley should wear some La Perla lingerie and recreate Jessica Biel’s strip routine from Powder Blue. She’s so hot right now.”

We’ve already used the word tweens, so we might as well say tweet too. Read our tweets! They’re on the Twitter.