Michael Jackson Dead at 50

WORST UPDATE: Michael Jackson has died, says TMZ. Hopefully he's dancing around the pearly gates with Farrah. RIP, man.

Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon at his Holmby Hills home and paramedics were unable to revive him. We're told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back.

A source tells us Jackson was dead when paramedics arrived.

LaToya ran in the hospital sobbing, after Jackson was pronounced dead.

Michael is survived by three children: Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince "Blanket" Michael Jackson II.

Christ on a cracker! What the hell is going on today? Sky Saxon from The Seeds dies. Then our lovely Farrah Fawcett rides off to heaven on the waves of her feathered hair. We know bad stuff comes in threes, but Michael Jackson? No, we're putting our foot down. NO MORE CELEBRITY DEATHS TODAY. TMZ says:

We've just learned Michael Jackson was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Los Angeles … and we're told it was cardiac arrest and that paramedics administered CPR in the ambulance.

He was picked up at his home around 20 minutes ago — we're told his mother is on the way to visit him.

UPDATE: The 911 call came in at 12:21PM at his Holmby Hills home in L.A.

UPDATE: A Jackson family member tells TMZ Michael is in "really bad shape" and the brothers are headed to UCLA.

UPDATE: We just got off the phone with Joe Jackson, Michael's dad, who says "he is not doing well."

Frankly we're feeling a little misty and tenderhearted so you can just write your own joke here, okay? Something about a sparkly glove, Bubbles, Jesus juice, barbershop dong, something something, blah blah, kid-touching. There, that should do it.